“The laddoo of Delhi, he who eats it repents, he who doesn’t eat it also repents.” Shouting this, Bhejuda entered our room.
The story of Ayub Khan swimming at the feet of Christine Keeler, Mao Zedong’s fourth marriage to a sexy actress of the current Chinese film world after his third marriage, and the recent incident of throwing an egg at a female member of the Legislative Assembly - Bhejuda used to tell us all these stories with great relish in his spare time. So I say right away, but I have never seen anything like today’s.
“Bhejuda, what’s the matter?”
“Well, tell me, Madla, is it better to repent after eating, or to repent without eating?”
“I don’t understand a thing, Bhejuda. You are saying, ‘The laddoo of Delhi, he who…’. And then you are saying, ‘Is it better to repent after eating, or to repent without eating?’. You better explain the matter properly, Bhejuda.”
“Then listen.” Saying this, Bhejuda lit his extinguished half-Charminar (cigarette) and blew a few rings. In a slow, grave voice, he said,
“You know, our headmaster, Sanatan Barujje, is a very good man. He has immense knowledge in all subjects. Of course, he was very strict. He used to cane the boys instead of fining them. Ah, the way he taught English!”
Saying this much, Bhejuda took a final drag and threw the quarter-inch Charminar out of the window. A faint smile slowly appeared on his face. This was Bhejuda’s characteristic. The prelude. The signal to step into the main act.
“You know, Madla, the headmaster had turned off the householder stage of the four ashrams and had reached the final stage of vanaprastha. But as the limits of his life were moving away from vanaprastha, the attraction of the householder stage was becoming stronger for him. But alas! Time and tide wait for none.”
After saying this much, Bhejuda said to me, “Well? Have you guessed anything?”
Bhejuda has narrated a dry story with added flavor. He has made us laugh by mispronouncing English words like Mrs. Malaprop in the story. But this is the first time he has pushed us into a question like this. So it’s bound to be surprising! But seeing that I couldn’t guess anything, Bhejuda said in an actor-like manner, “This is what is called repenting without eating.”
Seeing that I was following him attentively, Bhejuda smiled a self-satisfied smile and started speaking again, “Take, for example, the case of Kalyanesh Basu from our neighborhood. He works in the Income Tax office. He has defied the government’s family planning law and is now the father of seven children. Despite keeping his left pocket wide open in his job, he is unable to provide Mrs. Basu with cool oil at the end of the month. Seeing the indiscipline of his children and the wrath of Mrs. Basu, he sighs and says, ‘Oh God, it would have been better if I didn’t have them.’ How does poor Basu look when he returns home from the market in the morning with a small jute bag, walking slowly and bent over!”
Without letting Bhejuda go any further, we all sang a duet, “This is what is called repenting after eating.” Bhejuda didn’t wait another minute and left straight away. But from a distance, Bhejuda’s recitation was floating to our ears. “The laddoo of Delhi, he who eats it repents, he who doesn’t eat it…
Sachitra Bharat, April, 1964